The Peloton of Despair

Refrain from throwing your bicycle in public. It shows poor upbringing.
-Jacquie Phelan

I guess it takes time to accomplish something, no matter what that something is...but that does not make it any less easier or less frustrating....as you get older, you feel things should happen much more quickly since time is a much more obvious and precious abstraction...so to me it is difficult to not feel a sense of despair...despair because while you are more conscious of time and try to figure out ways to accomplish something more quickly, the reality is that it still takes time...shyte...is there no way around this, I don't have that much time to spare...

I have started doing a weekly group ride in order to help bridge the time to become a stronger faster rider...the hope is that apart from my team training, riding at a race pace with a competitive group of strangers will help to develop the skills I need to make bike racing more fun and less frustrating...this ride advertises itself as a weekly fast paced competitive fun ride...yes it meets weekly, yes it is fast, yes it is very competitive, but I am still waiting for Fun...where is the godamn Fun...I have cussed, cried, sweated, and bled in these races, team and group rides, but am starting to think that Fun does not exist...it is elusive at best...perhaps Fun is there but it is at the front of the pack urging me to ride harder...but wait, if Fun is already up in front, what is the use of waiting...since I still get dropped on the big climbs, and fall off the back when the pace really picks up, perhaps the reality is that I will never get to where Fun is...Fun is with the breakaway or just over the top of the hill drafting the leaders, not even looking back over its should to see where I am... so those of us left behind will never bridge the gap...we may as well just sit-up and wait to be swept up by the peloton of despair...

arrgghhh...these are the thoughts that make you want to un-clip from the pedals and toss your bike into the grass much like Bjarne Riis did in the 1997 Tour De France...maybe Fun is hiding in the brush and my one chance to catch it is to knock it out with my ultra-light bike that in concept was suppose to help me have Fun...well for Bjarne, he is a pro and this stopped being fun for him years ago...maybe he too is searching for the same thing...but every time I see that video clip I can't think how silly he looks...

but I guess this is where you take a few breaths and become a bit more self-reflective...it takes time to be able to assemble and develop the attributes required to accomplish anything of lasting value...it is the time it takes to learn something that gives it meaning as well as making it more precious over time...this is where the Fun is...all these cats have already figured this out...there is no magic here...they know it is all about the time...there is no other way...it is the time spent doing it that is the Fun...so apart from the odd twenty year old freak riding a $10K bike, everyone else you are riding with has been in your place at one time or another and knows that Fun can be caught just by enjoying your time on the bike...